A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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