what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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