Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
