Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
