I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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