Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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