i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
