pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
