Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
