Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
