my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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