You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
