Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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