well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
