Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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