sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
