Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What a dumb baby whore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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