I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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