is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
