OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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