and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
