I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
