i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
