will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
