what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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