Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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