I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How does one acquire holy water?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize