the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
