I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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