you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
