Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
