Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
