Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
