i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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