And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
