Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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