he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
