i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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