by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
