You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
