shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need to align my fucking chakras
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
