I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
