Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
