Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
