Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
