They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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