Sponge bath it is.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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