Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
