That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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