end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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