Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All the doctor said was why
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
