i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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