Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
